a beautiful mess

I am very certain I want to move, but I am beginning to have no clue as to where I will move in July. I made the decision that I absolutely must move somewhere, either alone or with a really cool roommate that I'd get along with. I keep finding really great opportunities, but then they just don't pan out. I don't want to live with just anyone and I don't want to throw tons of money into an apartment either. I am also hesitant to commit for 12 whole months. That seems so long. These were a couple of the possibilities that quickly became not so possible. I am especially confused about why Exhibit A did not work...

Exhibit A: I found a condo in one of my favorite parts of Ann Arbor on Huron Parkway / Glazier Way that was right on the water. To make things a bit more romantic, two swans had just built their nest right beside the patio facing the waterfront. The condo included the following musical instruments: a baby grande piano, guitar and violin. If I helped Ingrid (the woman who owns the condo who just happens to be a teacher, artist and vocalist) with extra things around the house, i.e. painting, pottery, gardening, etc., the rent would be reduced by quite a lot. In fact, the cheapest rent I have ever heard of paying in Ann Arbor, especially for such a place as this and in this neighborhood. You have no idea how much I have missed having a piano. I want to learn how to play acoustic guitar and that is there too. And I have wanted to learn how to do pottery (she had a pottery wheel as well). She was actually renting the master bedroom. During the interview, she seemed to really like me, but she did say that if a professional potter happened to be interested in the place she would give the professional potter preference. And it just so happened a day before I planned to secure the deal with my IRS bonus check, a professional potter showed up at her door unannounced with the deposit and rent. OK, I know that seems pretty far fetched, but this is what happened. The potter and Ingrid met previously and discussed things, but Ingrid wasn't expecting the potter to suddenly show up like that. Oh well, maybe I wouldn't have gotten along with her or I don't know, maybe the swans were rabid or something. I asked for a clear answer on it and that's what I got. But I just can't imagine a better situation, other than having my own place with a piano, a guitar and two mating swans just outside the window.

Exhibit B: Before that one, I looked at another condo that was nice, not quite as ideal, but nice. There was a baby grand in the club house that looked rather lonely. I was talking about this condo with a friend at my small group. We quickly became aware of this crazy coincidence. We realized that she had lived in the very same condo that I had just looked at the night before. My friend Laura from the Vineyard sold the condo to my other friend Laura from NorthRidge a few years ago. They didn't know each other at all outside of the business transaction. She told me all about the place and how they lugged a huge grand piano into the dining room. She apologized for the various paint color choices and talked about the flooring and other typical home owner concerns. Oh, and just to continue the pottery theme. Her last name was Potter. The Laura that currently resides there. This condo did not work out for a very good reason. My friend became engaged soon after I looked at the condo. The wedding will be this fall and I am very happy for her, yet still puzzled as to where I am supposed to live. And it must have absolutely nothing or maybe everything to do with potters and pottery.

I love this video for New Soul by Yael Naim. There's a big old piano in it. As she gets settled, the paper thin walls fall away. The walls she thought were old thick impenetrable walls just fall away. The theme of liberation and freedom is further developed as she releases the gold fish into the river. Then the music changes to a light airy chorus and the camera angle turns up to the clouds. I didn't know this song was used in the mac book air commercial when I fell in love with it, so it's ok. Apple is great at marketing new and nearly undiscovered talent. I first remember hearing this song when I was driving and it made me so happy. I had to find out more.



I like her other songs too, which are mostly in Hebrew. It's challenging to connect with Hebrew when you don't speak it at all. Nonetheless I do my best to sing along in Hebrew. It's a feeble attempt, but I enjoy it. I love the songs even if I don't know the precise meaning of the words. I had never heard Hebrew sung in this genre. I've heard a couple things sung straight out of Scripture, which were beautiful, but this is new and fresh.

Far Far is another great song by Yael Naim. It's speaks to my creative side. The side I hope never goes away, but I fear that if I ignore it for too long all of these random pictures or impressions of things I have in pictures/words/music will fade away and I will forget. I often dismiss anything I might have to say because it seems unimportant or maybe it's just the fear that chokes it. I like how she describes this sort of inner conflict as a beautiful mess. I also like how she acknowledges that her creativity comes from God.

Far far, there's this little girl she was praying for something to happen to her everyday she writes words and more words just to spit out the thoughts that keep floating inside and she's strong when the dreams come cos' they take her, cover her, they are all over her the reality looks far now, but don't go...

How can you stay outside? there's a beautiful mess inside how can you stay outside? there's a beautiful mess inside

Far far, there's this little girl she was praying for something good to happen to her from time to time there are colors and shapes dazzling her eyes, tickling her hands they invent her a new world with oil skies and aquarel rivers but don't you run away already please don't go away

How can you stay outside? there's a beautiful mess inside how an you stay outside? there's a beautiful mess inside Take a deep breath and dive there's a beautiful mess inside how can you stay outside? There's a beautiful mess beautiful mess inside Oh beautiful, beautiful

Far far there's this little girl she was praying for something big to happen to her every night she hears beautiful strange music it's everywhere there's nowhere to hide but if it fades she begs "oh lord don't take it from me, don't take it" She says, "I guess i'll have to give it birth to give it birth i guess, i guess, i guess i have to give it birth i guess i have to, have to give it birth there's a beautiful mess inside and it's everywhere

Just look at yourself now deep inside deeper than you ever dared there's a beautiful mess inside beautiful mess inside