De-Planing, De-Planning

I was all set to leave for Hawaii on Friday morning, but there were some delays and rearranging of plans. It all worked out for the best in the end. I will explain more about this. I was hoping my schedule would change, even after I boarded my first flight. This was my detailed prayer request: I don't really feel like leaving for Hawaii just yet, but I don't want to go back to my apartment tonight. A hotel voucher would be nice. I also would like to be upgraded to first class. I'd prefer a Northwest flight, even though I am booked with US Airways. Further (and maybe the most important thing about all this) I want to be able to go to the worship event at the Vineyard "Perpetual World Revolution" tonight. And I'd like some meal vouchers as well. Thank you.

Soon it was announced that the flight was cancelled due to some mysterious mechanical problem. When the pilot started explaining the situation, I really wanted to just get off the plane, but I waited until things panned out. I knew it was cancelled when I saw the exodus of first class people. We were told to stand in a really long line to have our flights changed. This line lasted 2-3 hours... though I was entertained by the 3 French students standing behind me in line. I love hearing french and it's cool I can understand a lot.

The line was long but when I got to the front of the line everything worked out and every detail of my request was answered even though I hadn't mentioned a single preference to the agent working on my flights. I was given a voucher to stay at the Hilton for the night. My flight was changed so that I would leave first thing in the morning with Northwest. My longest flight, from Phoenix to Honolulu, suddenly became first class. I was given meal vouchers, which I used for a really good dinner at the hotel. Not one detail was missed. That's awesome. And all this allowed me to go to the worship event, where I felt I was supposed to be for the evening. I convinced Matt that the Vineyard worship night was a good thing and he gave me a ride there and back. I think he really enjoyed it as well.

I did miss out on a day I had all planned out in Hawaii. On Saturday, I had planned to drive to the top of the tallest volcano, Mauna Kea, in a Jeep to see the stars and the view from 14,000 feet above sea level. I was really excited about that. I guess that will be left for another time. I'm sure God had a reason for changing my plans.

Things worked out for Stephanie, my co-traveler, as well. We didn't have the same flights to begin with, so I was concerned that she would have to spend the day with my grandmother. I suppose that would be tollerable, but not the ideal first day of your vacation. Well, she accidentally missed the last flight out of Honolulu, so she wouldn't be able to make it all the way to Hilo. Her cousin just happened to be staying on Waikiki beach for the day. Stephanie stayed with her cousin at a really nice hotel, enjoyed the beach and then danced with the military men until 3 am at some crazy western bar called Nashville. Funny.

A couple really awesome things happened at the "Perpetual World Revolution" worship event. First, someone was working on a painting in the front of the sanctuary as music was happening. It was so amazing because this girl was painting the image I had in my head a few weeks prior to that, but in a much better and more professional way. I made a version of it on Facebook's graffiti application, though I was limited by my patience and by the graffiti medium. I pretty much left it half complete, or where I thought I could go with it on graffiti. I had a little more in mind and this person, whom I've never met, was painting almost exactly what I had envisioned. She even painted the layers of color just as I had them, but then covered over them with another color. The star originally had dark red layers, but I covered over it with blue. She did the same, but left some showing. I wanted to add a yellow figure and something more in the center, which she did. Every detail was there. LOL - and I still haven't even spoken to her.

The music was good and much of it I had never heard before. It was just so peaceful after all my nightmares of someone trying to kill me and also after a very restless night. It helped me get into a better head space before leaving for the vacation. And at one point, at a most perfect point in time, someone went to the mic and said "There is someone here who is doing a lot of self-condemnation ... God just wants me to remind you that the Lord is slow to anger and rich in love. [And she quoted ] 'there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.' Romans 8:1" It just so happens that right at that moment I was thinking how I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror and how sinful I am [insert: cyclical thinking of negative crap...etc. going no where] No, I'm not always like this, but way too often I self condemn and I am way too hard on myself. I think all of those recurring nightmares of someone trying to kill me was a symbol of what condemnation does to a person. I needed a wake up call and permission, or maybe more of a command, to not think like this and remember the Lord is slow to anger and rich in love. For some reason I started thinking he was quick to anger...which is a lie. I never was killed in the dreams, just trapped and tortured by fear and some sort of evil person. Over the next few hours I felt like I had some help changing negative thought patterns. Simply being called out on it by God helps. And if He thinks I'm being too hard on myself, then I probably am. Plus, I stayed in a really nice room at the Hilton so I didn't have to go back to my apartment, which is nice but filled with too many rules regarding throw pillows : ) I don't think I've had a nightmare like that since. This was clearly a necessary part of my mental and spiritual preparation for the trip, not simply a supererogatory rearranging of my plans. I didn't see thousands of stars from the top of Mauna Kea, which means "white mountain," but I was reminded of the vision I had of a big bold star, like a bright white light, through the painting. How can you compare the thousands of natural stars, which will eventually fade away, with a giant supernatural star that is eternal and the feeling of being part of a spiritual community? I was reading Scientific American that morning. The astrophysicists said that what we know of the universe will eventually dim and the stars and their galaxies will be pushed so far away by dark matter that we won't be able to see the other galaxies. There were long scientific explanations for this, which I don't fully understand, but that's the basic idea. We did see thousands of stars in Hawaii. The night sky is so vivid because there isn't a lot of light pollution. I actually slept outside on the patio one night....soooo amazing! falling asleep under the stars and listening to the ocean waves all night.